求振作?自助者天助也
Donna Talarico sat at her computer one morning, stared at the screen and realized she had forgotten - again! - her password.
一天早上，唐娜•塔拉里科(Donna Talarico)坐在電腦前，眼睛直直地看着屏幕，發覺自己──又忘了登錄密碼！
She was having financial difficulties at the time, and was reading self-help books to boost her mood and self-confidence. The books talked about the power of positive affirmation - which gave her an idea: She changed her various passwords to private messages to herself, like 'imawe$some1' or 'dogoodworktoday.'
那段時間，塔拉里科遇到些財務問題，正在閱讀勵志書籍，以期重振旗鼓、提升自信。勵志書中談到積極肯定的力量，讓她靈感突發：於是她把自己的各種驗證密碼都改成了一些帶有自我積極暗示的字詞或句子，例如“imawe$some1”、“dogoodworktoday”等等。
'It's something so simple,' says the 34-year-old marketing manager at Elizabethtown College, in Pennsylvania. 'It just reinforces that you're a good person. You can do a good job at whatever you are trying to talk yourself into.'
塔拉里科現年34歲，在賓夕法尼亞州伊麗莎白城學院(Elizabethtown College)擔任市場經理。她回憶說，“那個密碼應該是很簡單的一句話，只是強調你是一個好人、可以做好任何自己想嘗試的事情之類的。”
In times of stress, even people with close social networks can feel utterly alone. We're often advised to 'buck up,' 'talk to someone' (who is often paid to listen) or take a pill. Wouldn't it also make sense to learn ways to comfort and be supportive of ourselves?
壓力大時，哪怕一些平時經常參加社交活動的人也會產生很強烈的孤獨感。這個時候，我們得到的建議往往是“振作點”，“找人聊聊”（往往是我們付錢讓別人聽），或者吃片藥。既然這樣，爲什麼我們不試着學學自我放鬆、自我鼓舞呢？
Think of it as becoming our own best friend, or our own personal coach, ready with the kind of encouragement and tough love that works best for us. After all, who else knows us better than ourselves? If that sounds crazy, bear in mind it sure beats turning to chocolate, alcohol or your Pekingese for support.
想想看，自己做自己最好的朋友或者私人教練，用最適合自己的方式鼓勵或嚴格要求自己，不是很棒嗎？畢竟，還有誰會比我們更瞭解自己呢？如果這種想法聽起來有些異想天開，那你就錯了，記住，比起不停地吃巧克力、用酒精麻痹自己或者向自己的寵物尋求慰藉，自我調節要好上千百倍。
Experts say that to feel better you need to treat yourself kindly - this is called 'self-compassion' - and focus on the positive, by being optimistic. Research shows self-compassionate people cope better with everything from a major relationship breakup to the loss of their car keys. They don't compound their misery by beating themselves up over every unfortunate accident or mistake. Car broke down? Sure, it's a drag, but it doesn't make you an idiot.
專家表示，要讓自己感覺好一點，我們需要善待自己──對此有個專門的名詞叫做“自我同情”(self-compassion)，另外，還要保持樂觀心態，學會積極看待事物。研究顯示，會自我同情的人能夠更好地處理各種狀況，不論是重大的感情破裂還是丟了汽車鑰匙。遇到不幸或犯錯時，這樣的人不容易過於自責，加重自己的負擔。汽車拋錨了？沒錯，遇到這種事是挺煩的，但我們不值得爲此像白癡一樣抓狂。
'They are treating themselves like a kind friend,' says Mark Leary, professor of psychology and neuroscience at Duke University. 'When bad things happen to a friend, you wouldn't yell at him.'
杜克大學(Duke University)心理學和神經科學教授馬克•萊亞里(Mark Leary)表示，懂得自我同情的人會像對好朋友一樣對自己，“如果一個好朋友遇到麻煩，你是不會向他發脾氣的。”
In 15 studies conducted over the past seven years, Dr. Leary has found that self-compassionate people are happier. Three of the studies, soon to be published, examine how self-compassion affects people over age 65. The studies found that people who accepted memory lapses, arthritis and other difficulties of getting older, and who treated themselves extra nicely on tough days, reported more positive emotions and were coping better with the aging process.
萊亞里博士從過去七年間進行的15項研究中發現，懂得自我同情的人會更幸福。其中三項研究成果很快即將公開發表，主要研究的是自我同情能力對65歲以上老年人的影響。研究發現，能夠坦然接受因爲上了年紀而造成的失憶、關節炎或其他問題的人，以及在艱難時刻能夠特別善待自己的人，情緒上往往更加積極向上，也更能夠輕鬆面對自己的自然衰老。
Self-compassion helps people overcome life's little, and not-so-little, stressors, such as public speaking. In another study, Dr. Leary asked people to stand in front of a videocamera and make up a story starting with the phrase, 'Once there was a little bear. . .' Then he asked them to critique their performance, captured on videotape.
自我同情能夠幫助人們克服日常生活中遇到的大大小小的壓力事件，例如公開演講。在另一項研究中，萊亞里博士要求被研究對象站在攝像機鏡頭前，以“從前，有一頭小熊……”起頭當場編一個故事出來。然後，他讓被研究的對象回看錄像，對自己的表現作出點評。
People whom the study had identified as being high in self-compassion admitted they looked silly, recognized the task wasn't easy and joked about it. People low in self-compassion gave harsh self-criticism.
這些被研究對象事先已經接受過自我同情能力測試，其中，自我同情能力測試結果較高的人在看完錄像回放後往往會承認，自己在鏡頭前看起來很傻，要完成這項任務很不容易，他們甚至會拿自己的表現開開玩笑。而自我同情能力測試結果較低的人則往往會進行嚴厲的自責。
Experts say you can learn self-compassion in real time. You can train your brain to focus on the positive - even if you're wired to see the glass as half empty. A person's perspective, or outlook, is influenced by factors including genetic makeup (is he prone to depression?), experiences (what happened to him?) and 'cognitive bias' (how does he interpret his experiences?). We can't change our genes or our experiences, but experts say we can change the way we interpret what has happened in the past.
專家表示，我們可以隨時培養自己的自我同情能力。我們可以通過訓練，讓大腦專注於積極向上的一面──即便一些人習慣於悲觀看待問題。人的想法或觀點受到很多因素的影響，包括基因構成（先天具有憂鬱傾向？）、生活經歷（以前經歷過什麼？）和“認知偏向”（習慣於如何理解自己的經歷？）等。我們無法改變自己的基因構成和過去的生活經歷，但專業人士指出，我們能夠改變自己對過往經歷的理解方式。
Everyone has an optimistic and a pessimistic circuit in their brain, says Elaine Fox, visiting research professor at the University of Oxford, England, and director of the Affective Neuroscience Laboratory in the Department of Psychology at the University of Essex. Fear, rooted in the amygdala, helps us identify and respond to threats and is at the root of pessimism. Optimism, in contrast, is rooted in the nucleus accumbens, the brain's pleasure center, which responds to food, sex and other healthy, good things in life.
《大腦的陰天與晴天》(Rainy Brain, Sunny Brain)一書作者、英國埃塞克斯大學(University of Essex)心理系情感認知神經科學實驗室(Affective Neuroscience Laboratory)主任、牛津大學(University of Oxford)客座研究教授伊萊恩•福克斯(Elaine Fox)表示，人的大腦中既有一個樂觀的神經迴路，也有一個悲觀的神經迴路。發源於杏仁體的恐懼情緒能夠幫助我們對威脅進行識別和反應，也是悲觀情緒產生的根源。而樂觀情緒則發源於大腦的“快樂中樞”伏隔核，這裏的神經元會促使人對食物、性和其他生活中健康、美好的食物作出反應。'The most resilient people experience a wide range of emotions, both negative and positive,' says Dr. Fox, author of 'Rainy Brain, Sunny Brain.' To enjoy life and feel good, people need roughly four positive emotions to counteract the effect of one negative emotion, she says. People who experience life as drudgery had two or even one positive emotion for every negative one, Dr. Fox has found.
福克斯博士說，“最達觀的人能夠體驗到各類情緒，有樂觀的，也有悲觀的。”她表示，要享受生活、保持良好感覺，一個人大約需要動用四種正面情緒來抵抗一種負面情緒的影響。她發現，覺得生活悲苦的人往往只有一到兩種正面情緒來對抗某種負面情緒。
It's possible to change your cognitive bias by training the brain to focus more on the positive than on the negative. In the lab, Dr. Fox showed subjects pairs of images, one negative (the aftermath of a bomb blast, say) and one either positive (a cute child) or neutral (an office). Participants were asked to point out, as quickly as possible, a small target that appeared immediately after each positive or neutral image - subliminally requiring them to pay less attention to the negative images, which had no target.
實驗表明，我們是有可能通過訓練大腦多關注正面信息、少關注負面信息，最終改變自己的認知傾向的。福克斯博士在實驗中向參與對象每次展示兩幅圖像，一幅是負面的（例如某個爆炸案現場的圖片），一幅則是正面的（例如一個可愛的孩子）或者中性的（例如一間辦公室）。研究人員在每次展示完正面或中性的圖片後都會要求參與對象儘快說出頭腦中閃現了什麼，而在展示完負面圖片後則沒有這個要求，以此潛移默化地降低實驗對象對負面信息的關注度。
Want to try this at home? Write down, in a journal, the positive and negative things that happen to you each day, whether running into an old friend or missing your bus. Try for four positives for each negative. You'll be training your brain to look for the good even as you acknowledge the bad, Dr. Fox says.
福克斯博士表示，如果讀者想在家裏嘗試這個訓練，可以在日記本中寫下每天遇到的開心和不開心的事情，例如意外遇到一位老友，或者沒能趕上一班公交車。但要注意每寫下一件不開心的事情，要儘量同時寫下四件開心的事情。如此這般，大腦逐漸就會習慣去尋找積極向上的東西，即便我們依然會面對或發現一些負面的東西。
When I asked, I was pleasantly surprised by the number and variety of ways people said they treat themselves with compassion, care and kindness. Anittah Patrick, a 35-year-old online marketing consultant in Philadelphia, celebrated her emergence from a long depression by making herself a valentine. She covered an old picture frame with lace and corks from special bottles of wine, and drew a big heart inside. Using old computer keys, she spelled out the message 'Welc*me Back.' Then she put it on her dressing table, where she sees it every morning. 'It's a nice reminder that I'll get through whatever challenge I'm facing,' she says.
當我向人們詢問時，驚喜地發現大家自我同情、自我關心和自我愛護的方式方法多種多樣、不勝枚舉。費城35歲的網絡營銷顧問安妮塔•帕特里克(Anittah Patrick)以給自己過一個情人節的方式，慶祝自己從長期的抑鬱症中走出來。她用蕾絲包住一個老相框，用特殊葡萄酒瓶的軟木塞在裏面拼出一個大大的心形圖案，還用舊的電腦鍵盤上的按鍵，拼出“Welc*me Back”字樣，然後把它擺放在梳妝檯上，讓自己每天早上都能看到。她說，“這能夠很好地提醒我自己，我能夠面對任何困難的挑戰。”
If Kris Wittenberg, a 45-year-old entrepreneur from Vail, Colo., starts to feel bad, she tells herself 'Stop,' and jots down something she is grateful for. She writes down at least five things at the end of each day. 'You start to see how many negative thoughts you have,' she says.
來自科羅拉多州韋爾市(Vail)、現年45歲的企業主克里斯•維滕貝格(Kris Wittenberg)在感覺不好時，會對自己“喊停”，然後記下一些讓她感激的事情。每天終了，她至少能記下五件這樣的事情。她說，“這時候你就會開始意識到自己之前的想法有多悲觀。”
Kevin Kilpatrick, 55, a college professor and children's author in San Diego, talks to himself - silently, unless he is in the car - going over everything positive he has accomplished recently. 'It helps me to hear it out loud, especially from the voice that's usually screaming at me to do better, work harder and whatever else it wants to berate me about,' he says.
聖迭戈市(San Diego)55歲的大學教授、童書作家凱文•基爾帕特里克(Kevin Kilpatrick)會在心裏默默過一遍最近完成的每一件開心的事情，如果當時是坐在自己車裏他就會大聲說出來。他說，“這麼做能夠讓我自己清楚地聽到開心的事情，特別是在心中還有個聲音嘶吼着要求自己做得更好、工作更努力些等等讓我忍不住自責的情況下。”
Adam Urbanski, 42, who owns a marketing firm and lives in Irvine, Calif., keeps a binder labeled 'My Raving Fans' in his office. Filling it are more than 100 cards and letters from clients and business contacts thanking him for his help. 'All it takes is reading a couple of them to realize that I do make a difference,' Mr. Urbanski says.
加州歐文市(Irvine)42歲的亞當•烏爾班斯基(Adam Urbanski)經營着一家市場營銷公司，他在辦公室裏放了一本標記爲“我的鐵桿粉絲”(My Raving Fans)的活頁夾，裏面有100多張名片，還有客戶和生意上的聯絡人寄來的感謝信。他說，“只要從裏面拿幾封感謝信出來讀一讀，就會讓我覺得自己還是有作爲的。”
He has something he calls his '1-800-DE-FUNK line.' It's not a real number, but a strategy he uses when he is upset. He calls a friend, vents for 60 seconds, then asks her about her problems. 'It's amazing how five minutes of working on someone else's problems makes my own disappear,' he says. Sometimes, as a reality check, he asks himself, 'What Would John Nash Think?' in honor of the mathematician, Nobel laureate and subject of the film 'A Beautiful Mind,' who suffered from paranoid schizophrenia.
烏爾班斯基還有一個他自己稱之爲“1-800-DE-FUNK”熱線的祕密武器，這當然不是一個真的電話號碼，而是他在自己情緒不佳時的一種應對策略。他會給一個朋友打電話，自己發泄一分鐘左右，然後聽朋友講述她所遇到的問題。他說，“花個五分鐘時間討論別人遇到的問題，自己的問題反而好像消失了，這真的很神奇。”有時候，爲了讓自己清醒一些，他會問自己，“如果是約翰•納什(John Nash)會怎麼想呢？”這也是出於對這位數學家、諾貝爾經濟學獎得主的一種敬重。約翰•納什患有偏執型精神分裂症，是電影《美麗心靈》(A Beautiful Mind)主人翁的原型。
Are things really as dire as he thinks? Is he overreacting? 'It always turns out that whatever keeps me down isn't really as bad as I thought,' Mr. Urbanski says.
烏爾班斯基表示，設想了約翰•納什的偏執想法後，自己會忖度，“事情真有他想的那麼恐怖嗎？他是不是反應過度了？思量到最後，我總是會意識到，其實情況不像我原來想象的那麼糟糕。”
