搞笑：大家喝醉酒之後，真是各有各的搞笑

1. I decided to rename all the contacts in my phone with their spirit animals. Who the hell is eternal baby chinchilla ?

我決定把手機裏的聯繫人全部重命名爲他們的靈魂動物，誰是“永遠的栗鼠寶寶”？

2. 12 years ago I got really drunk at a college party and some guy at the party held my hair back while I threw up and walked me around the yard until I felt better. We’ve been married almost 7 years now.

2年前我讀大學的時候，在一個聚會上醉得很厲害。一個在場的男孩幫我挽起頭髮，以免吐的時候沾到。還陪着我在院子裏散步，直到我感覺好多了。現在我們已經結婚7年了。

3. I came home overserved andshowered my ID to my Dad at the front door of the house at 4amthniking it was another bar. My dad was in full cop uniform going to work. I got in but was not allowed out for a while.

我醉醺醺地回到家裏，在大門口把身份證給我的爸爸看，那個時候是凌晨4點，我以爲這是另外一個酒吧。我爸爸穿着全套警察制服，正準備去上班。他允許我進門，但我很久之後才被允許出門。

4. One time I got drunkwith an old teacherfrom high school and apparently, at some point duringthe night, I raised my head and asked him if I could use the bathroom.

有一次我跟一個高中老師舊識對飲，喝得醉醺醺的，我很清楚地記得，當晚某個時間，我舉起手問他我能不能去上廁所。

5. I once got so drunk I cried hysterically because my parakeet had to live his life without hands.

有一次我醉的很厲害，哭得歇斯底里，因爲我的長尾小鸚鵡一輩子都沒長過胳膊。

6. Got so drunk my friend let me stay over for the night. Woke up on the floor of their living roomwith my friends 8 year old son lining up action figures around my body saying”don’t wake the gaint! Tie him down!”

有一次我醉得很厲害，我的朋友收留我在他家過夜。我醒來時自己躺在他們家的地板上。我朋友8歲的兒子把玩具兵圍繞在我周圍 ， 喊着“別吵醒巨人！捆住！放倒！”

7. One night I got so drunk at the bar that I stole a girl’s birthday crown off her head, went to another bar, and made eveyone there buy me birthday drinks.

有天晚上我在酒吧裏喝得醉醺醺的，我偷走了一個女孩頭上的生日帽，去了另一個酒吧，告訴酒吧裏所有的人今天是我的生日，讓他們請我喝酒。

9. I once left a party to walk home and woke up behind a strangers sofa cuddling a full grown German Shepherd.

有次我參加聚會後以爲自己回到了家。一覺醒來才發現自己躺在陌生人家的沙發背後，還抱着一隻成年的德國牧羊犬。

10. I was super drunk at a bar once and walked into the bathroom. When I turned I bumped into someone and said”oh my gosh I’m so sorry”. Took me 5 minutes to realize that the “person” I bumped into wasmy reflection in the mirror.

有次我在一個酒吧裏醉得很厲害。我走進衛生間，撞見衛生間裏的另一個人。我說“哦，天吶，我很抱歉”。5分鐘後我意識到我撞見的那個人是自己在鏡子裏的倒影。

11. Went out with $20. Woke up with 4250, 3 lighters, 2 phones & keys to someone else’s car..

出門的時候帶了20塊錢，醒來的時候身上有250塊錢，3個打火機，2個手機，還有一把別人家的鑰匙。

12. One night I got drunk with a forgign diplomat. He thought I worked for ”the embassy”. Turns out I worked for “NBC”.

一天晚上我和一個外國大使一起喝醉了。他以爲我在“大使館”工作。結果發現我是在“NBC電視臺”工作。

13. I stepped out of the barto smoke. I realized I had to pee in the worst way but I had half a cig left. Decided to squat between two cops cars for ‘privacy’. Shout out to the San Diego policemen who let me finish up before they cuffed me.

我從酒吧裏出來吸菸，我發現自己必須在最惡劣的環境裏尿尿，幸好我還有半支菸。我決定蹲在兩輛警車中間處理一點“私人事務”。我還對聖地亞哥的警察大聲嚷嚷，他們讓我把私事“解決完了”才把我銬起來。

14. I was trapped in an elevator, used the emergency phone freaking out till the door opened and I was rescued. Couldn’t figure out why my rescuers seemed so annoyed. Turns out I wasn’t trapped, in my drunken state I just forgot to press a button.

我被困在電梯裏，驚慌失措中使用了緊急電話，後來門開了，我得救了。但我不明白爲什麼來救援的人看起來很煩躁。原來我並沒有被困住，我只是喝醉了，忘了按電梯。

（翻譯：小木）